The Orchard Blog


i’m responsible for my stuff, not yours! by orchardblog
September 29, 2004, 10:57 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

recently a lady (let’s say her name is mary) vocalized to me how she was hurt by another lady (let’s say her name is lilly), because lilly had been so demeaning and condescending in a recent dialogue. mary seemed to be very hurt and truly had taken this encounter to heart. mary proceeded to depict the reasons as to “why” lilly was this way and acted this way. thereby attaching a judgment as to “why” she did what she did. mary seemed to have fallen prey to someone elses “stuff.”

i proceeded to encourage mary to talk to lilly and resolve this conflict. of course, mary felt like there was no use in resolving this, because she had already decided that this person was a jerk. mary decided that being hurt and attaching such powerful significance to lilly’s actions was better for her emotionally and spiritually.

i find it fascinating how each of us find ourselves in this silly scenario. we attach dynamic significance to peoples judgments, insults and negative body language. in other words, “my world becomes rocked when you don’t treat me the way i should be treated.”

in essence, when we become offended, we are the one’s who attach significance to what is being said, whether through body language or verbal communication. the moment someones actions put us into “defensive” mode, we should ask ourselves this quesiton, “are their actions my stuff or their stuff?” i can NEVER make you responsible for my reactions or even actions. likewise, i can never allow you to drag me into your stuff. i must never allow you to make me responsible for your choices (being mad, glad, sad, joyful etc…).

think of the example of a abuser saying, “look what you made me do!” an abuser isn’t MADE to do anything, he/she has the choice to do so.

therefore, WE are the empowerers when it comes to someone causing offense to us. are we going to make everything “about us” when a offense arises or are we going to resolve that we are responsible for “how” we react to other people’s stuff (body language, verbal communication, etc…).

remember that jesus said, “offenses WILL come.” so, we can see that none of us are exempt from offenses entering our hemisphere. Notice that offenses will come, BUT we have the choice whether or not we will receive them and allow them to wreck our world.

i love this saying, “i am not who you think i am; i am not who i think i am; i am who i think you think i am.” in gist, many allow their lives to be dictated emotionally by others judgments. you are responsible for your stuff, not someone elses!

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