The Orchard Blog

New York Times On Marriage by orchardblog
December 18, 2006, 11:36 pm
Filed under: The Orchard

Sunday’s New York Times had an interesting article entitled, “Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying.

Here’s what they came up with:

1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12. What does my family do that annoys you?

13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15. Do each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

These are some great questions and a resource that’s heading into my “premarriage file.”

What do you think? Any others you can think of?

Link to article.

Posted by Scott Hodge


1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

Those are awesome questions! The pastor who married us made us go through similar questions in our pre-marital counseling. We had to make 5 “agreements” in 5 areas: Sex, Children, Finances, Communication, and biblical purpose for our marriage-in our case it was about serving Christ together and what that would look like once we became “we”. Now the last one is obviously for couples who think along those lines. The agreements were basically statements we could both commit to like how we would spend our money or how we would talk to/about each other in public, etc. It was a life/marriage saver to come up with some strategies ahead of time. And of course, after a couple years we re-evaluated and laughed at a few of the more naive statements made in our pre-marital blindness! So we changed ’em. Everyone considering marriage should TOTALLY talk about this stuff. Not that you can ever be completely prepared but its a place to start! Thanks for posting it!

Comment by Joni

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: